Something About Pie
By Prof  B Hunnydew   2006 PBH
If only eating was a sporting event, then we could have commentitors.
Okay this is my first story of a fat furry theme, and it comes with some illustrations.
The pictures are in the galley (I hope)  and I have put picture marker in the text to show where the story they would be.  This is PG  or PG-13 rating. 
Do e-mail me, if I am wrong about something or another, or I need to edit this or that. Or just send nice comment to
Welcome Glutton fans to Arlene’s Hot Springs Resort’s First Annual’s Pie Eating Contest.
I’m Howard Courge, and we are in the Grand Hall during the Halloween/Fall festival, ready to watch these hungry furs test their bellies in this gut-busting eating completition
Oh, this is not a test for the thin minded or your general over-eater.  Each contestant must eat 60 pies to make it to the final rounds, and these are not your average pies either but the 12 inch large pies.  Each contestant can plan which of the 6 different favors of pies they will eat first.  But all must be eat the same favors and amount sooner or later.  Remember, there is not time limit this round but you can’t rest longer than 5 minutes between pies or have more than 3 rest periods.  Standard rules on barfing still apply.  The rules for the final rounds will be explained if we do not have a winner.
Now, we do want to welcome our Celebrity Contestants:
Honey Woodson plays the Daisy Duke as all you, Dukes of Grazard fans know.  Miss Honey weight in at scrawny 130 pounds at height 5’ 9” Golden brown bear.  Miss Honey Woodson said that despite her TV career, she has been feeling an emptiness in her life.  She says that she has turned back to her family and religious beliefs.  She is planning on a long retreat this winter to help find her spirital center and renew herself..  This contest, she says, will be the first step for her long winter’s meditations and spirital journey. .  Don’t worry, folks, she promises that she will be ready for next season in the spring, just with a few extra curves.
Daniel Hopp is the hot dog champion, who downed a recorded 57 hot dogs in 12 minutes this past summer.   This white and orange rabbit weights at a little under 125 pounds on his short stature of only 5 ft 5 inches tall.  But don’t let his small size fool you, Daniel Hopp has been the hot dog champion for four years running.  He has beating his own record every year.  Danny has want to expand beyond hot dogs and has been training for this event since August.  This is his first contest beyond the Baseball Frank Competitions.  He is the most favored to win at this event. 
This grey packing rhino is Iron Mike, who weights in at nearly 280 pounds at 5 ‘8”.  Mike Irons, the Bar-B-Q champion, just finished over at the Chili-bowl eat-off.  Yet, Mike says that he does have the capacity for this event even after the chili-bowl event under his belt.  Mike is an all around eating champion and has won BBQ chicken to bake bean contests, yet he has not won a hot dog contest since Daniel Hopp came on the eater circuit four years ago.. He is pitching for a good fight here, today.
And of course, this elegant lady flamingo is Olla Overland, who is owner of Olla’s Pie and Cakes co-sponsor of this year contest. Olla Overland weights in at 250 pounds at 6’ 8”.  Olla Overland says that she just likes pies and wants to share them with people who truely enjoy them.  It seems to me, that the old girl just wants to eat her own pies without feeling guilty about it.       
And, we, also, want to welcome all our other contestants and wish everyone gut-busting good luck, and good eating. Now, ladies and gentle furs dig into your pies. 
As they get started, I will tell you about the Chili-Bowl Eat-Off, which was just held here.
Now, it was just bad luck for Mike.  An amature bassethound managed to dump a whole 30 gallon pot of red-hot Abby Chili down his own throat in under a minute and keep it all down. That greed dog should have drowned, when he try to serve himself from the pot, slipped and spilled the whole pot down his own face. Yet, when he managed to keep it all that down for 10 minutes, he was declare the winner, before he ran to the restroom.   His wife expected the trophy for him since still stuck in the toilet, and she said she was really going to give it to him.
And we had an exciting start with Hot Dog Daniel taking the lead early in this pie contest with a record of thirty pies in less than 12 minutes. But he has been slowing down since, as our own  Daisy Duke, Miss Honey has held a slow steady pace at about 1 pie per a minute.  She has just pass Iron Mike’s total of 27 pies. As we reach the 30th pie mark for Miss Honey, we have…  Oh no, Mike, who has been trying to catch up to Daniel with burst of a eating frenzy, has made a fatal error and is choking.  No, No, Aw! he has just barfed all over Mrs. Overland.  Poor old girl has fainted.  That Chili and blueberry smell is just too much for some of our other contestants as well and many have left their tables and their pies.  The judges have rule that anyone who has not throw up may re-enter the contest, but where doesn’t seem to be many takers, there.  As the clean-up crew works as fast they can, we’ll see, how the revived Mrs. Overland takes this news,
“What?  *Sniff* No NO more chili!  no more Pies!” 
Whoa, who would have thought the old girl could run that fast on a full stomach. Yet, what focus, Miss Honey and Daniel have, they continue to stuff themselves during this whole disaster. The count is now, Danny 45 and Miss Honey 40.
We have only 4 semi-finalist, who made the 60 pies cut. Miss Honey has eaten her 60th pie and impatiently awaits the next round, while Daniel struggles to finish his 60th pie.  Daniel who showed such promise in the beginning, is now paying a high price for his speedy start. And, he has now just finished his 60th pie and will be allowed a 10 minute break as the judges verify the counts and prepare for the next rounds.
The rules of the final rounds are:
The second round is 10 more pies and no resting between pies but you have a choice of favors. Finalists must finish with 5 minutes of the leader’s time.
The third round is 20 more pies; no resting, random favors and you must finish your pies within 2 minutes of leader time.
The final Round is …Oh, what ……. Oh Mrs Olla has return.
She has change the final round’s rules to be just a race for the most pies eaten to win.
Mrs Olla shouts  “We have enough pies, so you can eat until you pass-out or quit.”
 There, you have it. Eat as much as you can without exploding. Oh what excitement, if  these two, Miss Honey and Danny, can push themselves into final round.
Well, this Glutton contest was been a battle of wills and wits, as well as bellies..  Daniel’s speed trick had fooled quite a few into eating too fast for their intake tolerance, which forced them to drop out. Yet, Miss Honey’s slow and standy pace is working out better as Danny’s endurance continues to dwindle.  The poor boy has been stuggling since the second round.
We are now at the 90th pie mark and the end of round three.  Danny stuggling slowly to complete his 90th pie.  And Miss Honey has just finished licking her 89th  pie plate clean, as she reachs for her 90th pie.  She has licked clean every one of her plates in the second and third rounds, teasing and intimating Danny with every pie along the way.
The kitchen crew is now readying the pie pile for the last round..  This pile has all the leftover of pies from the other contestants, and at the last count is over 550 pies.  Each contestants will be on opposite sides of the pile and will eating  their way to the middle.  The empty pie plates from each will be removed and counted, but each eater must grab their own pies from the pile. The one with the most empty plates will be the winner.
Oh, no but poor Danny does not look like he can’t continue… Oh wait, what sportmanship, Miss Honey is hugging him and give him good pep-talk.  Or  Maybe, she’s kissing him or is she just licking the pie off his face?..but yes, yes, he is showing signs of life, and they are ready to start the final round.
And now, they are off and eating …..Miss Honey is eating at …Can you believe it? …She has managed to increased her pace after 90 pies!  And Yes, Daniel seems to have found his second wind, and is back to his jaw-dropping speed of 2 pies per min.  It looks like the only thing that will stopping these two will be their immovability to get more pies.
Yet, Miss Honey seem to have a plan for that as she digs in and under the pie pile, Oh Oh, she is near the center the pile and is turning over on to her back.  The pies are now just falling into her waiting mouth.  Danny has a different approach as he eats and forces his way to the top of the pile.  His growing belly is pushing his face into the pile as he eat his way down..  Each of them are still throwing empty pies plates out of the pile.  The count is now 160-150 pies with Danny in the lead and both are not slowing down.. 
“Oh oh Funny bunny, Would you like some rhubarb pie?” coots Miss Honey
“Honey Bear, You know I can’t do it any more?” protests over stuff rabbit.
“but you love Rhubarb pie, I’ll even warm it for you.”
“I .. I.. I.. “
”Ah Come’n FunnnyBuunny! It is on your favorite plate. Do it for me.”
Ohohoho Buuuuuuurp burp burp Guuuuurp.
Hee  heee heee “ oh h haha Oh Funny bunny. Come get your pie and be sure to lick the plate  surp surp “Oh oh yes lick it up. lick my plates oh clean” surp surp surp
Oh Hey folks… Yes,. Yes, they are still at it after 4hours. The rest of the judges and the crowd have left for the Skylight Ballroom and the official counting has stopped at 317 to 325, which a load of crock. So, what if they burped or that them are now, feed each other?  I tell ya…What…. What happened you ask?
Okay, After the 315th pie mark, Danny starts complaining he going to exploded.  So, after Mike’s mishap, everyone scattered.   Poor Danny kept sucking more and more air into his lungs, and he got bigger and bigger.  Miss Honey, who can’t move for all the pies she has eaten or the ones still pile on top of her, screams “ Oh, please don’t!”
Danny suddenly stopped, swallowed and then lets loose a great long belch that literally deflated him into the pie pile …After a moment of dead silence, Miss Honey starts laughing and laughing.  The crowd joined her, but soon  she couldn’t catch her breath as she hype-ventilates with more laughter. With more and more air, her bust seemed to expand and expand beyond the limits of her overstress top.  As her blouse tore apart, Miss Honey also burped the loudest belch ever.  The burp resounded within the great hall and deafing so many that only few could hear Miss Honey and Daniel say
“oh oh  dear, I think I hurt myself.”  Grasped Honey
“Ha Ha  oh oh, that was a good one, More pie?” laughed Danny
“why, yes please.. I have so much more room, now.” Excite Honey started to eat from Danny’s hands.
After that, they traded belches for pies, and took turns feeding each other.  The judges call it at 317 to 325 in favor of Miss Honey.  And then eneryone left.
So, there you have it.  One of the greatest pie eating contest and the greatest chance of a light-weight class eaters of breaking the record for the middle-weight class eating, reduced to a burping contest. I’ll tell you…what a waste..I want a recount.!. Whiz--- Clang….Thud
“A good shoot, my Tummy Bunny.  I wish I could do that to some of the gossip reporters” shouts the stuff golden bear
“You just have to have some pies to throw at them, Honeybear. More Pie?”
“Yes please.” begged Honey
“Ah Miss Woodson, Miss Olla has sent 50 pie to your cabin –suite for being a great pie lover, and she said that the prize money is going to your charity.  The manager says that your cabin is ready, but warns that the Dragon’s Retreat cabin will not accessibility after the next week or so.  We will keep the lights on and the water running to it, but there is no guaranty that they will stay on during the winter, and we will not be able to get to you until spring.”
Says a young bellboy mouse.
“It does have a natural hot spring pool in its cave, right?” asks Miss Honey
“ Yes, Miss, but I wouldn’t…” protests the bellboy
“It is Okay I understand the dangers and the isolation of the cabin.  Just once the snow starts to melt and you can’t reach me by phone.  send someone to checkup on us.”, states the golden bear.
“Us?” says a surprised bunny
“Sure, you welcome to stay, if you want.  What do you say?” asks Miss Honey sweetly
“I got peach”  offers the stuff white rabbit.
“Oh Funny bunny, I love peach.” Says his adoring honeybear
“I got two peaches for my Georgia peach, but she has to ask ‘nicely’ for them” demands Dan
“Pburetty Buruplease.” burps Honey
“That’s my girl,”* Burp ach up.*” Oh excuse me.” belches her tubby bunny
“Here, you need more Mulberry”,says Honey as she offer him another pie.
“Aw, Thank you, my Honeybear.  Hey, I know, I am tried, but you promise me, a roll in the hay with you, at the end of three round.”, reminds Danny
“TeeHee Sure, Anything for you, my Funny Tummy Bunny… just be sure bring pie” giggles the stuff starlet.
As the forklift with sofa takes both Pie-lovers out the back door of the Grand hall.
  2006 PBH