Satisfaction Guaranteed

By Darkwulf

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A thousand apologies to Athelind, whose well-established character I 
mangled and bullied into this form.  I only did it so I could have a 
main character he could identify with.  <G>

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	Athelind Stormdancer arrived home late that evening.  Grumbling 
softly to himself about a bad day at work, he set his briefcase down on 
the floor and tossed the day’s mail onto the dining room table before 
pausing to remove his tie.  Mentally exhausted, he couldn’t even bring 
himself to shower and change into something more comfortable just yet, 
so he sank into one of the chairs, sighing.

	To take his mind off of his day, he decided to go through his 
mail while he unwound.  Setting the bills aside, he quickly sorted 
through the rest of it.  Once more, no personal mail.  Not even a 
catalog or magazine.  Just bills and junk mail.  Sighing again, 
Athelind scooped up the remainder of the mail, preparing to toss them 
in the trash, when a brightly-colored pamphlet caught his eye.

	** Lose thirty pounds in three weeks and keep it off forever!  
Satisfaction unconditionally guaranteed! **

	Athelind looked down at himself, pondering.  He had certainly put 
on some weight over the years.  A great deal of weight, in fact.  He 
remembered keenly getting his tuxedo out of storage last month for a 
friend’s wedding, the same tuxedo that he had worn not four years ago 
to a similar function.  He had been shocked when he saw the thing, but 
had tried it on anyway; to put it bluntly, the ends simply refused to 
meet any more.  He could barely pull the slacks up over his hips, and 
there was no hope whatsoever that they could be fastened.  The shirt 
hung open by a few inches, and he had too much sense to even /consider/ 
putting on the cummerbund.

	The golden-orange dragon chuckled softly to himself.  "Athelind, 
old boy, maybe you’ve been living a bit TOO well lately."  Getting a 
thoughtful look on his face, he began flipping through the pamphlet, 
looking for the catch.  "After all," he mused, "there’s ALWAYS a catch 
with these things."

	The pamphlet was from a new organization, "The Healthy Living 
Corporation".  Inside, the special offer was outlined in great detail.  
For $100 a week plus grocery expenses, a certified nutritionist and 
dietician would come to your home.  They would assist with the 
shopping, steering you towards healthy foods and ingredients, and away 
from the typical dietary ‘traps’.  They would arrive at morning, and 
again in the evening, to prepare a healthy breakfast and dinner, as 
well as a lunch for you to have at work.  The regimen would last for 
three weeks, over which time the nutritionist would teach you the 
problems with your old habits that resulted in the excess weight.  In 
this manner, once the cycle was over, the weight wouldn’t immediately 
return.

	And if you failed to lose thirty pounds by the end of the cycle, 
a new one would begin immediately, free of charge.

	Athelind looked down at his midsection again.  "Three hundred 
dollars for thirty pounds.  Plus, if I pay attention to what the 
dietician says, I could probably lose even more on my own."  He stood 
up, tossing the junk mail in the trash, but holding on to the pamphlet.  
"You could certainly stand to lose a bit, old boy.  You’re not as young 
as you used to be, and it’s probably going to get tougher as time goes 
on," he mused to himself.  "Plus, my clothing selection will definitely 
improve past the last six items on the rack..  I always HAVE been too 
proud to start going to specialty stores.."

	Athelind decided to sleep on the idea.  Relaxing for the rest of 
the evening, he went to sleep, still tired but content.  That night, he 
had dreams of being younger and slimmer.  Dressed in the most stylish 
of clothes, the ladies found him incredibly attractive again, and he 
was never stuck at home over the weekend unless he wanted to relax 
alone.  His appearance didn’t go unnoticed at work, either.  His bosses 
thought that his appearance made him look very professional, and he was 
selected for several special projects involving special presentations.  
Unhampered by self-consciousness about his girth and the drab suits 
that it required, (again, he was too stubbornly proud to get custom-
fitted) he did remarkably well, and his status in the company 
skyrocketed, netting him a better office, higher pay, and shorter 
hours.  He never came home late in the evening, defeated an exhausted, 
again.

	He woke up the next morning, and was greeted by the sight of the 
broad expanse of his own belly, covered with scales in all shades of 
violet.  The memory of his slender new body was still keen in his mind, 
and he almost felt a tangible loss at the perceived change.  Pressing 
lightly on his gut as though to mold it back to the shape he saw only 
minutes ago, his resolve gelled.  "This evening, I call that company," 
he declared.  "I’ll lose the thirty pounds they promised.  I’ll pay 
attention to the dietician, and LEARN things for once.  I can look 
however I want, if I’m careful.."

-------------------

	Athelind thumbed through his mail on the way to the dining room.  
More junk mail, just as he expected.  Except for the big yellow 
envelope from the Healthy Living Corporation, of course.  The dragon 
sat down at the dining room table, looking the envelope over for a 
while.  He could hardly bring himself to open it..

	When he called the company several days ago, he had to give them 
a case history to work with.  They asked him all kinds of questions; 
about how much he weighed, what he thought the reason for the weight 
was, what he did for a living, what he did in his spare time, and so 
on.  They said they were doing a personality profile on him, to come up 
with the best regimen to use, and more or less whether he was worth 
their time.  They had said that they would work all of these things 
out, and would let him know their decision promptly.  This was 
obviously the result.

	Athelind sighed and tore the envelope open with a clawtip.  
"Don’t know why I’m getting so worked up over this.  Until a week ago, 
it didn’t bother me a bit.."  He pulled a sheaf of papers out of the 
envelope, and quickly scanned them.  "Dear Mr. Stormdancer; We are 
pleased to inform you..  Well, I’ll be.."  He flipped through the 
papers.  The top sheet was a letter of acceptance, stating that he 
passed whatever standards they held for a client.  The next couple of 
sheets were information, telling what was in the pamphlet, except in 
greater detail.  And the rest of the stack seemed to be a contract.  
"Geez," he muttered.  "That’s a LOT of red tape."  Fishing in his 
briefcase, he pulled out his reading glasses and browsed the contract.  
It seemed to outline the client’s rights, and restated their terms; 
that the client would lose thirty pounds during the three week cycle, 
or an additional cycle would be given, at the company’s expense.  
Everything seemed to be in order, so Athelind scrawled his name at the 
bottom of the last page, filled in the date, and stuffed everything in 
the envelope they had enclosed as well.

	"Well, now that you’re done getting excited over this, maybe you 
can get on with your life," the dragon chided himself.  "Honestly, I 
don’t know why I’m getting so excited over this all of a sudden.."  He 
shook his head and chuckled.  "It’s over now.  Before long, they’ll 
send their guy over, and this’ll all be behind me."  Tossing the rest 
of the mail in the trash, he took off his tie and settled down for the 
evening.

	That night, he once again had dreams of being slender..

-------------------

	Three days after sending in the contract, Athelind received yet 
another letter, this time by registered mail.  Tearing it open with a 
clawtip, he pulled the single sheet of paper out, wondering what was 
going on THIS time.  "Thank you for your prompt reply," he read.  "We 
wish to inform you that the nutritionist/dietician for your cycle has 
been selected...hmm.  Cycle begins this Sunday evening, when the 
nutritionist will arrive, introduce themselves, and begin shopping for 
necessary supplies.  Per the contract you may accompany them if you 
wish, but will be responsible for the cost of materials purchased."  He 
read the rest of the letter and stretched out, settling back to think.  
"Is this still such a good idea?  I’m sure it will cost an awful lot of 
money, and for what?  I was never very vain.."

	Athelind snorted, shaking his head.  "Fine time to have doubts, 
after the contract is signed and sealed.  I’ll bet they have some sort 
of cancellation clause in there, anyway.  Sunday night it is, and I 
hope my life will change as much as I dreamed.."

-------------------

	Sunday came all too quickly, and Athelind found himself anxious 
for the evening to come.  Though it embarrassed him to no end, 
considering the company he was expecting, he snacked quite a bit during 
the day, settling down with a book that he’d been reading and some 
munchies.  The clock wasn’t his friend that day; every time he looked 
up, he had an empty snack dish, and a mere half-hour had passed.  By 
four o’clock, he was almost uncomfortably full, but was still so 
anxious that he couldn’t stop snacking.

	At about five thirty, he heard an unfamiliar car pulling into his 
driveway.  "Well, this must be it," he observed, quickly and guiltily 
disposing of his dish and the evidence of his snacking.  Brushing a few 
stray crumbs from his sweatshirt, he finished his tidying just as the 
doorbell rang.  Heaving a sigh of relief, the chagrined (and still 
rather stuffed) dragon answered the door.

	"Mr. Stormdancer?" asked a soft voice.  "Mr. Athelind 
Stormdancer?"

	The voice belonged to a young female tabby cat.  With gray fur 
and a willowy frame, the lady stood maybe a shade under five feet tall.  
She delicately extended her hand towards the rather stunned dragon.  
"My name is Lillian Monroe.  You can call me Lily, if you like; I hope 
that we will become friends quickly."  With this, she beamed a friendly 
smile that could melt snow in the winter.  "I’m the nutritionist and 
dietician sent here by the Healthy Living Corporation on your behalf."

	Regaining a bit of his composure, Athelind accepted the offered 
hand.  "Yes, I’m Athelind Stormdancer.  It’s a pleasure to meet you."

	"I’m sorry to impose," Lily continued, "but could you help me 
bring a few things from my car?"

	Athelind blinked and nodded, ever gallant.  "Of course.  It’s not 
imposing at all.  The way I see it, you’re doing more for me than I am 
for you, anyway."  The tabby cat smiled at this, and Athelind went out 
to the driveway clad in sweatshirt and pants, clawed feet clicking on 
the pavement.

	"It’s the two cases in the back seat," Lily said in her soft 
voice.  The storm dragon nodded and obediently retrieved both cases, 
grunting slightly as the lifting put a strain on his full stomach.  
Nudging the door closed, he carried the cases into his home, motioning 
Lily to enter.  "If you’ll just put the cases in your bathroom, we can 
get started."  After he had complied, Lily began assembling a doctor’s 
scale from pieces in one of the cases.  "This kind of scale is more 
accurate than the average one," she commented.  "If you would be so 
kind as to change into a bathrobe, we can take your initial measures."

	Startled by the abrupt request, Athelind’s scales burned a bit 
redder than usual for an instant.  He nodded and spun around, heading 
for his bedroom.

	Lillian watched him leave, and smiled softly.  "He IS a cute one.  
This could be interesting," she purred to herself.

-------------------

	A few minutes later, Athelind returned in his bathrobe, scales 
still burning slightly reddish.  "Ahh, just in time!" Lily smiled.  "If 
you’ll just step up, I’m sure you know the drill."  Dipping his head in 
assent, the dragon stepped up onto the scale, sending the measuring bar 
tipping down with an abrupt *clunk*.  This caused Athelind’s scales to 
brighten just a bit more.

	Giggling softly, Lily raised one of the measures, gauging the 
dragon’s height.  "Let’s see, now," she murmured.  "Looks like you’re 
about six-one."  She noted this on a clipboard she pulled from the open 
case.  "And now.."  She began nudging the weights around on the scale.  
With each *clunk* of the large weight moving, Athelind looked more and 
more like he wished he could vanish.  Finally, the bar balanced itself.  
"All right.  Looks like.. two eighty-six."  She noted this on her 
clipboard as well.

	"All right!" the feline enthused.  "Now that the preliminaries 
are out of the way, it’s time to go shopping for some supplies!  Would 
you care to go with me?"

"Uhmm.. no, thank you," Athelind stammered.  "I’m sure I’d just 
slow you down.  I’ll stay here and tidy up a bit, make sure there’s 
room for the groceries."

	"All right," agreed Lily.  "I’ll bring the groceries back, and 
the receipt for you to verify.  Then, I’ll make dinner for you, and 
we’ll arrange when I’ll show up in the morning!"  At the mention of 
dinner, Athelind’s scales briefly took on a greenish tint.  He still 
keenly felt the results of his incessant snacking, but he couldn’t very 
well tell HER that.  Instead he just smiled and nodded.

-------------------

	Moaning softly to himself in bed, Athelind was finding it a bit 
hard to sleep that night.  Perhaps it was the excitement at starting 
the program, and the results that it could have.  Maybe it was because 
he had just met an attractive young woman.  But, most likely, it was 
because the dragon felt a bit like an overstuffed sausage..

	Lillian had returned after only thirty minutes of shopping.  
Athelind helped her carry in the bags, and she presented him with the 
receipt.  "Here you are," she said.  "You can check things off as we 
put them away, but in a nutshell, these groceries should last the week.  
The total is $77.50.  I’ll need you to initial the receipt so it can be 
added to your file."  Athelind was a bit amazed at the amount of food 
she was able to get with that amount of money, as he put boxes and bags 
away into the cupboards.

	Then, she had set about preparing his meal.  She served him a 
glass of some sort of nutritional supplement, as well as a modest 
amount of pasta with a light sauce, and a salad with vinegar dressing.  
Athelind was certain that it would have been far less than he was used 
to eating on an empty stomach, but as full as he already was, he was 
hard-pressed to choke it all down.  The same pride that kept him from 
getting clothes custom-fitted kept him from admitting to his new 
dietician that he’d been snacking for most of the day.  "Besides," he 
reasoned, it’s only the first day.  "If I don’t let it happen again, 
things will be fine."

	And so, after the first evening on his new diet, Athelind went to 
bed feeling like a Christmas goose..

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